Really?

Has it really been almost four months since I have written? Well here is a writing sample that I created. Mama needs a new job and some extra cash...

What Famous Person would you like to go to dinner with and why.

I have always had a unique fascination with Dolly Parton. She is a smart, no nonsense and down to earth woman who has set her goals high and achieved them. Dolly is the famous person I would most like to have dinner with, not because I would like to share a meal with her necessarily, but to get a peek into the personality that makes this interesting and unique person tick. There seems to be an interesting dichotomy between the brashly famous yet intensely private sides of Dolly Parton. I have to admit that I am a bit of a voyeur and want to see into the private life of this very famous person.

Many years ago I had a recurring dream about Dolly. At different times we were in different places but essentially the dream was the same. I was witnessing the private side of Dolly outside of the limelight. Dolly was usually hiding from the paparazzi and hiding out in some cabin in the woods. The main thing that I couldn’t wrap my head around was that the person in my dreams was not the Dolly that we all see. There was no make-up, no hair, no singing. Her voice was different, her face was even different. This was a completely different Dolly! I would awake from these dreams and have a hard time reconciling the Dolly that I thought I knew with the “real” Dolly in my dreams.

There isn’t much that hasn’t been written about Dolly Parton. We all know about her professional career, her humble beginnings and her massive rise to fame and fortune. We know a little bit about her private life – she is devoutly spiritual with a love of god and music and people and has chapels on all of her properties. I have a few questions for Dolly. My first question for Dolly would be how in the world did she ever think a person like herself could make it so far in the world. How did she ever think that she couldn’t make it so far in the world? In a world that seems to value its people as conservative and as compliant and conservative as possible, Dolly does not fit the mold. She never has. If anything she has worked her entire life to create her own mold and wear it with pride. I want to know where that pride and confidence come from and how I can get that pride and confidence too.

Dolly has always said that she was a dreamer. What are her dreams? Has she made her dreams come true? What dreams does she have now that she has seemingly reached the pinnacle of success? What dreams didn’t come true for Dolly? What is her biggest regret? What does she consider her greatest accomplishment? Would she have done anything differently? I want to know about the private side of Dolly Parton.

Of course I couldn’t have dinner with Dolly and not ask her about all of the “pretty bizarre stuff” that she is into as she calls it. I want to know how she felt the first time she had plastic surgery and if she was happy with the results. Does she still get work done as they say? Are any or all of those rumors true about her having an open marriage and what famous lovers has she had? What is really behind that nearly forty year marriage to the secretive Carl Dean?

I want to have dinner with Dolly Parton. She has been my idol since I was thirteen years old. I do not want to be a tabloid investigator who delves into all the salacious details of her life, but I do want to know the real person. I want to look into her eyes and learn the truth of her life. I want to hear her magical laugh. I also want to see what she eats when nobody is looking!

Breathe

Breathing today
In and out
In and out
Retreating my angst

Unable to understand
Another’s
Lack of compassion
Understanding

Funny but not
My own intolerance
Towards the idiocy
Of some human beings

When it comes to animals
My children
My heart is wide open
Beyond comprehension

Satan's game

Realization today
Constantly searching
Questioning why
Will it ever be found

On a path, this I know
To where or what I don’t
Searching for that answer
The answer to the question

What am I here for
What am I supposed to do
Where am I going to
She breaks into song

Like 99 red balloons
In a wind tunnel
Have more order and direction
Than this life I call mine

Viscaino

Working on my beautiful road
I have work to do
If I can dream it I can live it
I will live it

Like pulling the weeds in my garden
Once a heap is now an oasis
I created this
Believe it

It all comes back to those lyrics
No truer words were ever spoken
No one is telling you
It’s a set up until you’re fed up

People trap your mind
It’s so hard to find…
Now I’m gonna try
To improve my life

It’s no good when you’re
Misunderstood
Why should I care
I’ve got to be me

I don’t care what the
World thinks of me
It’s a set up
A social disease

I am going to the light
Improving my life
To be the best me
That I can be

Heard another one
I am in the business
Of being
Myself

Climbing my tree of life
Not scared if I fall
No more fears
It is all for a reason

Dark haired stranger...

My olive skinned black headed man
Five o’clock shadow at eight am
I imagine you in someone else’s arms
Her arms
Each day we pass by
Sometimes with her sometimes without

I accidently catch you each day
As you happen into the street
Tall, beautiful jean clad
black leather jacket and grey scarf cover
Your virile aura
Sauntering toward your day

My unwavering stare
The knowing glance and quick aversion
Of your beautiful brown eyes
Do I sense the hint of a faint and brief grin
each day I tell myself I will wave
And on I go to wait for another day

Your manliness
Your manhood
My object of desire
Two strangers
You don’t know that I exist
Yet you are very alive in my world

I have seen you again
Yet you are never alone
I feel the magic
Has left before it’s blossom
No averted stare
Your grin belongs to her

Your swagger seizes my attention
As you cross my path
Your trace reverberates through me
Our olfactory connection
Wires that never touch
So close a million miles away

Move!

She woke up feeling a bit drained today. She is not as young as she used to be she thinks. She is still unsure why she thinks of herself in the third person, but so be it. She has still not recovered from staying up late the other night finishing that damn book. She hit the snooze button but knows that today she must get her ass out of bed and challenge her old bones. She wants to be sexy again, she is newly inspired. Not so much newly inspired but she is determined. It will happen! Up and dressed she feeds the bird and the cat and then down to the treadmill. Shit she has forgotten to fill the dry cat food bowl again, along with cleaning the litter box. Everyday things to do, that must be done. Soon the cat will demand in one way or another that she pull her weight, she always does. Easy does it as she begins her climb up that mountain this morning. Thankfully for that or she would never have the courage. Thankful also for the music blaring in her buds, coloring her soul, encouraging her to move forward. She can see the future, she can taste it.

She is in it full on now, taking no fucking prisoners today, deal with it. No empathy, no sympathy. Just doing my job ma’am. Thank you, and fuck you very much she says. She is longing for the days when she can run her own life. But wait, it is all an illusion silly. She is running her life. She has chosen this. Why would anyone choose this she thinks? Because it’s a set up, until you are fed up – to quote the Madge herself. Anyway she is longing for the days when she can work out, go to voice, dance and guitar lessons. It is a fairly selfish wish she thinks, no sooner banishing that thought from her mind. No it isn’t, it is mine. She is hot now, living in the moment, full of energy, love, horny, lustful. No lily white bastard cowards here. She is doing her fucking job. She is on top of the world, living that life in her mind’s eye. Then it ends, thanks for stopping by it says, that goddamn machine. Why is she talking about the stupid machine like a person. No funny business here, and off she goes.

Some good art that I love....

Ditty time

A ditty from a couple weeks ago...

Divine, calendar, mark, sleep, please, another, day, less, may, more
I mark another day
Off the calendar of my life
Wondering, hoping, wishing
What is my purpose here

Waiting for my divine intervention
To lead me on my life’s true mission
What is a life to sleep through
I don’t need to be all serving, all knowing

I want to feel alive
Please show me the way
For this is not it
I cannot be less one day more

For what may this life be for
Surely this cannot be all
I will not stop searching
Asking the question

Spring is Springing!

Playing Catch Up

Have not posted in a while...

Still trying to figure this whole thing out, my life that is

New Year

12/29/09

Working on my goals for the next year
Same goals really but simplified
Clarified and modified, magnified
Looking up

1/5/10

In the lion’s den again
Baby tigers more like it
Like to bark but run to mommy
As soon as the going gets tough

It is a harsh world out there after all
My god is better than your god
Passive aggressiveness
At it’s best worst

What is it with these people
One day they say they want it this way
You give it to them
And they run crying, they can’t handle the truth
I guess it hurts, the truth that is

Swimming in a glass bowl
Wanting to break free in every way
I feel trapped
Breathe, focus on the goal

My body is aching today
Lifting too much
Too much on my shoulders
Need to get away

1/6/10

Again with the lion’s den
Momma tiger’s at their worst
Blind leading the blind
Napoleon and the wandering mind

Soulless yet pious
Because I am a believer
I am one of the chosen
I have chosen to walk through that door

Fuck it I usually say
The converted and reformed
Are often the worst
Nothing is what it seems

I can easily see
How the old are done
Ready to be gone
Nothing is the same
Surprised that it happened so soon
Try to find a way
To sustain
Something to believe in